how am I?

People ask me often how I am. I say I am fine. But I am so busy dealing with all that has come down on my shoulders to really know if that is true. I certainly haven't had the time to really think through all that has happened. And I don't think I am fine, but I don't have the time to deal with it, so I'll keep saying I am. Maybe it'll come true.

My mom died on March 25. I am just now getting around to writing it here. I am it, I am the one left of my original nuclear family of five. Siblings and parents all gone, I stand here. Alone in many ways, though not alone. There are friends and extended family. There are cats. There is stress and tension and too much to do in school. I feel like I will have to put dealing with this on hold until next year when it is more convenient to handle. I know that's a pipe dream. I have to deal with it now. But how can I add counseling into my already intense schedule? I keep thinking that if I can just get a few things out of the way, I will be better. And as things get out of the way, more things and priorities come and take their places.

It's not fair. That's pretty much it in a nut shell. Crappy shitty circumstances. That's it for now.