I have never been able
to figure guys out. Whenever I
have tried, I have been left frustrated.
So I gave up trying and just try to let them be themselves and be thankful
for what good things come of being friends with them. And there are many good
things about being friends with men.
I like the camaraderie. I
enjoy technical shoptalk, I enjoy talking about music, I enjoy beer. I enjoy a lot of things that are
stereotypically male-ish. I am not a girly-girl and feel that some of my best
friends are men.
However, I seem to
have collected a group of married men who think I am the best thing since
sliced bread…. besides their wives. I don't understand what brings me that kind
of energy. I don't play those games and don't want to be told by a married man
that if they could be with me they would. I want to ask them why they are
compelled to share this with me, but I just clam up and shut down. Do they
think it will make me feel better about my singleness? Do I look that lonely?
I continue to be
friends with these men. I feel we are drawn together for a greater purpose, not
related to sexual tension but something else. Some of these men have been there for me at the times when I
was being hardest hit by loss and aguish.
I cannot forget the support they gave me. I don’t think that my being vulnerable to someone, showing
my feelings and hurt, should open up dialogue that could lead to huge mistakes.
I have been on the other side. I have been the woman on the other side of a man
who is confused about our relationship and is searching for who knows what to
distract or relieve. It’s not a great position to be in. I feel for those
wives. I don’t want to stir up any
shit, but I feel for them.
I don't want to give up
on these friendships, but when the men made those confessions it made our
relationships so much more complicated than they should be or need to be. I get
mad and don't want to talk to them. I don't want to laugh with them anymore.
Sexual tension, something I could handle and dismiss becomes an emotional
tension I just can't handle and don’t want to handle.
Some of these situations
have been settled by now. I have
had conversation after conversation. But after a while, I have gotten tired of
dealing with it and refuse to talk about it anymore. So, help me out here guys,
if you are married, don’t open that door.
DO NOT GO THERE. If you
haven’t heard from me in a while, just think back on our last conversation. Did you fuck it up? Did you go there?
I don’t understand why I
get this attention and I have failed in trying to find meaning in it. So after long consideration, when it
comes to my love life: Married Men Need Not Apply.
