Patriotism

Yesterday I saw a man outside the Publix supermarket waving an American flag. Not something you see a lot unless it's the Fourth of July. He had a box of "car flags" that he was selling.
Seeing it reminded me of the period of time right after September 11, 2001, when everyone, it seemed, had American flags on their cars. Sometimes there would be two or more.
One day I found one of those flags in the street. It had fallen off the car and gotten run over countless times. But you could still read on the edge of the flag, "MADE IN CHINA."

The Commuters

Every day,
Around the same time of day,
Twice a day,
I hear them.
They come streaming down the street in their Subaru,
Their Doppler voices trailing behind them.
Dogs.
Barking dogs.
Two or three of them, heads hanging out the windows, barking.
I can almost set my watch by them.

Image from:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doppler_effect

Bold Brave Move

On Christmas Day I visited a place I hadn't stepped foot in since March 6, 2006. Good Samaritan Hospital. I brought cookies to the nursing staff of what's known as "4 South," the oncology unit. Mike spent three months there. I was there almost every day he was there. I got to know the staff pretty well.
This was something I had been meaning to do for over a year. I was afraid to go back there. I was afraid to feel the feelings I knew would bubble up. Afraid to face those wonderful people I had waited so long to thank. I never forgot them, though. They cared for Mike. They fought over him. He was a special person even to those who know that people with cancer are special, and deal with them every day.
When I left the hospital and got to my car, I cried like Mike had just died. I couldn't stop it. There are so many times I have wept. But this was stronger than had been felt in a very long time.
It's weird. I have found myself comforting other people so many times, yet haven't had anyone with me when the tears really let loose. Who ever is with me on that day better be ok with it. It'll overwhelm them.

Mike and me on 4 South
(Photo by staff photographer Florida Sun-Sentinal)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season.
Peace.

Reflections on 2007

At the end of the year I look back and see how things have changed. Jenna is growing into a beautiful woman; stretching her legs into her new life: soon to be graduated, wedded, and starting a family of her own. I have gone back to school on a journey to change careers and bring something positive out of the fear and sadness I experienced with losing Mike. So far I like it. The coming year will find me immersed in my studies, embarking on a life on my own again, and continuing friendships here in West Palm Beach.

In 2007:
I started to Blog in earnest.

I finally sold the Cadillac, which led to feelings of relief and sadness.

I found a long lost friend to discover she was just being diagnosed with Cancer. After a lot of chemo and radiation she is doing well now.

A plaque was added to the bicycle rack memorial to Mike. It’s a sweet place to see, when it’s full with a variety of bikes.

I folded Upon The Hill Records with relief and sadness.

I felt the firm grip of love’s hand guiding me.

My mom’s journey with cancer has had its moments of fear and hope; as she went into surgery (that was possibly to take her life, though might have given her longer life) then came out, after exploratory surgery said it couldn’t be done. She has decided to just let it be and enjoy life for as long as she can.

I opened my heart up to the possibility of a loving one-on-one relationship, but it was not to be this time.

I laughed hard and joyously with newfound friends Landa and JC.

I marked the 25-year anniversary of Kate’s death by writing briefly in my blog about it.

I came to terms with the real possibility that I won’t be having children. I am still not sure how I feel about that, but it’s ok for now.

I traveled a bunch in the summer time: To Texas, North Carolina, California, and Pennsylvania. I hiked in all of these wonderful places.

I learned to spin Poi, and spun on the top of a mountain in Big Sur, California after a long hike up with my cousin Sarah.

My mom got really sick with an infection, which let me know I am not ready to lose her just yet.

I had a cancer scare of my own. It was Benign.

I went back to school.

I saw my friend Meg get married. I feel no pressure to get married myself.

I took Sociology and Medical Terminology in the summer and got As in both.

I took Anatomy and Physiology, Public Speaking, Psychology and Algebra in the fall. I am presently waiting on my grades, but I did well in all. ☺(I finally got my grades: Straight "A"s! Whoo Hoo!)

Friends lost Annie, the sweetest dog and Tinkerbell, the lovely big-hearted BIG dog; both will be missed.

I decided to spend the holidays in West Palm Beach so I can relax a bit, maybe work some, and walk on the beach. I will be home alone, but full of love.

May you find this season full of light and love.


The view at the top of a hike at Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park, Big Sur, CA

Happy Birthday Mike

Today is Veteran's Day as well as Mike's birthday. Both are reasons to pause a moment and think. I miss you, Mike.


Mike and the Sneetch: Two friends in Heaven

Purge

So, today I am working on this three day long revival for the Haitian Catholic Church, part of the Archdiocese of Miami. This program is entirely in Creole, so I am lucky if I have a clue what's going on. While waiting for the third part of today's event to start, I had some time, so I started to purge my cell phone of no longer needed contacts.

Most of these were stagehands, that I maybe I had worked with in the past, but don't keep in touch with. Some were old theatre contacts. I even purged some directors out of the phone. No need to call them really, since I am not doing design any more.

I came across a few names that belonged to people who are now deceased. That gave me pause. I purged a couple of them, but kept a couple too, including "Brother Mike." It used to say "ICE Brother Mike" because he was my emergency contact. But after he died I figured it would be pointless for emergency personnel to call him if I was in an accident.

I had to smile a few times as I purged three numbers from my phone. All of these three are still living, but it gave me some pleasure, even enough to giggle a little, to get rid of them. Can you guess who? There are some people who may read this that might know who they all are. I am going to make this a game now. If you can guess all three, I'll figure out something really cool to give you. My guess is that there are some of you who will guess at least one. :)


ICE Brother Mike (He was goofy, but you could rely on him.)

My friend Bill

Whenever Mike would see him, he'd say, "Hey, there's my friend, Bill!" Mike would go over and shake his hand and ask him how he was doing. Bill was homeless; one of the familiar faces of downtown West Palm Beach. Mike enjoyed talking to those folks, but especially to Bill.

Shortly after Mike died I ran into Bill at Clematis by Night, the weekly concert series downtown. I approached him and asked if he had eaten that day, then bought him dinner. I mentioned Mike. At that time he realized who I was, and started crying. Bill loved my brother, I could tell. He was sad that Mike would no longer ride up to him on his bike and shake his hand.

Fast forward a year. I ran into Bill at Publix in City Place recently. I was having lunch on the veranda, a common location for watching traffic. He came out of the store and looked for a place to sit. I invited him to my table. I was very glad I did. Bill told me he had a job and a nice little trailer to live in. Things look like they are doing ok for Bill. It was light in my heart to hear about how well things were going , and to speak with him. I felt that Mike may have had just a little influence on Bill's life since he left us. I hope it continues to go well with Bill. And I like to think Bill is my friend too.

Another one lost

Tinkerbell. A huge dog with huge heart. The Idlet's place won't be the same without her.

Rest in Peace

Annie Clemente, the sweetest dog ever, has passed from this Earth. I will miss her.